Chat's Weirdest Date
by Kceratops
Summary: Marinette was supposed to be picking their next date. Instead, she was busy comparing Chat's hip measurements to that of her dress model. Was it really her fault that he had such narrow hips? A Marichat one-shot that I should technically label "Shameless."


"No, but if we're being honest here, you've got the right proportions I need," Marinette said, one eye squished closed against her arm as she stared down at Chat from her bed. He lay spread eagle on her floor, his tail swaying lazily back and forth. She'd been watching it for a while, pondering why a belt would be able to move on its own.

Chat sighed, his tail dropping as his green eyes finally focused on her. "I thought you were trying to decide where to go on our date," he said, sitting up and arching his back. "Transformations don't last forever, you know."

Marinette wrinkled her nose as she heard his spine pop into place. "I know," she replied simply. She tilted her head so she could detangle one of her arms until it hung over the bed, fingertips grazing the top rung of her ladder.

He eyed Marinette, eyebrows scrunched and teeth flashing between the crack of his scowl.

"What?" she asked with a flick of her hand. "It's not like you haven't been visiting for months now. I know how it works."

"Then why aren't you deciding?" Chat asked as he fell backwards once again with a weary plop. When she didn't respond, he tossed an arm over his eyes and muttered, "What were you even talking about?"

Chat peeked from beneath his arm to see that she wasn't even paying attention. Ears pressed flat to his head, he checked on either side of him and nabbed a ball of blue yarn that had been left beneath her desk.

"Hey," he said, giving her one last chance to come around. When Marinette continued to move her thumb at different angles in the air, Chat huffed; then he tossed the ball of yarn.

It puffed against Marinette's forehead and fell back straight into his hands. She jumped, her eyes wide. She looked straight at Chat. "What? What?" she asked, touching a finger to her forehead. When she connected the dots from cat to yarn ball, she pushed herself up onto her elbows so she could fully glare at him.

"I know it's irresistible to a kitty cat like you, but please don't play with my knitting," she said, smirking when she realized her wordplay. Oh yes, she was funny.

"But I _yarn_ to know what you were talking about, Princess," Chat replied, cutting through her smirk with his own. He tapped his own head with the yarn ball before tossing it aside. He got to his feet, climbing halfway up the ladder so his face was near hers, noses almost touching. He put his arms on either side of her and tilted his head.

"I insist you fill me in," he said, his voice low thanks to their close proximity. "Where do you want me to take you on our date?"

Marinette hesitated. She couldn't pin it...but suddenly she had an urge. As Ladybug, Chat's face near hers had always been partners teasing each other. Friends being friends. Her stomach had never swooped. She'd never found her eyes drawn to his lips, wondering what would happen if she leaned-

"I wasn't thinking about a date," Marinette said, shifting backwards just enough to give them space so she could look Chat in the eye without giving away her internal struggle.

Chat put his chin in one hand, his green cat eyes never leaving hers. "What were you thinking about then? What did you say earlier?"

Marinette pushed herself up onto her knees. She put a foot on the first rung of the ladder, forcing Chat to retreat so she could get down. "I was thinking about your body," she said, distracted by her descent.

Chat choked.

Marinette glanced over her shoulder, puzzled by his vermillion cheeks beneath the mask. "What?" She jumped off the ladder so she could face him. Then her words knocked her back. "AH! No not like-"

Marinette turned the same shade as Chat, her eyes closing as she tried to compose herself. She chopped her hands in the air, parallel lines in front of her to emphasis her point. "I'm designing a dress for another competition, and you have the same proportions as the model," she said. When she peeked to see if he understood, Chat had sat down on her tiny sofa, his face the same shade and his bottom lip caught by his teeth.

"I don't know how you thought that was any better," he said.

Marinette shook her head, a giggle bubbling up before she could stop herself. "You both have thin hips," she said to stop her giggles because laughter was not going to solve her problem.

"And how would you possibly know that our hips are similar?" Chat asked in the same weary voice from before.

"That's what I was thinking about earlier," Marinette replied, taking a seat beside Chat and pointing to her mannequin. "I've been pouring over her measurements for days now."

Chat studied the dress, his blush fading thanks to the distraction. His neck still burned though as her words nestled in the back of his head.

"It's good work," he replied. "I like the fabric." The pink Marinette had chosen contained a gold striped sheen that glinted when he moved his head. It would look excellent under runway lights.

"I thought so," she replied with a shrug.

Chat returned his gaze to Marinette, his eyebrows pushed together. "That still doesn't answer why you were comparing my measurements," he said, his shoulders going stiff and clawed fingers flexing nervously when Marinette blushed yet again.

"Maybe I wanted-"

Chat stood, an unintentional hiss slipping from between his gritted teeth. "Nope! I know where this is going," he said, stalking to the other side of the room as far from the dress as he could.

"But it'd be interesting!" Marinette said. "And it would save me time when she comes in for her fitting."

"I am not putting on a pink and gold dress," Chat said. " I couldn't anyway. This suit doesn't come off." He flicked at the bell beneath his chin. "You can't fit a dress over a leather bodysuit."

"I was including the suit when I was comparing you," Marinette said, slinking to her feet, measuring tape concealed behind her back. She walked toward Chat, plastering on her cutest face.

Chat folded his arms and looked determinedly away. His face was still pink. His bottom lip pushed his top lip into a pout. "I'm not going to try on a dress for you."

"But aren't you my knight?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes the second he glanced in her direction. "You'd be saving me," she said, voice silky smooth.

When he wasn't looking, she tossed the measuring tape around his waist, catching the opposite end and pulling it snug.

Chat yowled, jerking back, but Marinette held tight. She caught the measurement, squealing when she realized that she was right.

Chat ran for it, breaking her hold and scrambling up the ladder to her bed.

"You asked what I wanted to do for our date, I'm telling you now!" Marinette called after him, jumping onto the ladder in hopes of catching him.

Chat had already pushed open her skylight, and she watched his legs disappear through the window.

Panic gripped her. She'd scared off her date. "Wait!" she yelled as she reached her bed. "I'll let you do what you want to me!"

She clapped a hand over her mouth. She didn't know what had made her say it. It seemed fair? It seemed crazy. This was so messed up-why did she have to mess it up?

"Do you mean it?"

Chat hung upside down from her skylight, wide eyes full on Marinette. They were both blushing now. Would the blushing ever end really? Why had she even thought this would be an okay idea?

Marinette gulped, her hand slipping down to her throat. If she took it back, would he leave her behind?

"Yes," she said, the sound a mere squeak.

Chat grinned like a cheshire cat. His whole body fell through the skylight so that he lay in a heap next to her.

"But what are you going to do?" she whispered. It was like talking normally would make this nightmare real.

"You first," he said, still grinning. His grin made her blood run cold. It was too mischievous. He was too happy. Now she wanted to run for it.

"So I was joking. Let's do something else for our date," Marinette said. "Like a walk along the Seine."

"You weren't joking," Chat said. He untangled his legs and crawled toward the ladder. "You want to use my body, and I want to use yours."

Marinette watched his head disappear over the edge of her bed and squeaked, her stomach twisting.

At the sound of her distress, he popped back up, his grin fading into something more understanding. "I'm teasing you," he said. "Come on and get me into that stupid dress before I change my mind."

When Marinette had first recognized the similar measurements, she hadn't really thought what it would be like to see Chat in a dress. Now that he actually wore the dress, though, she definitely felt weird. Or maybe it was the fact that he was also wearing one of her bras that they'd stuffed to hold up the dress. It _was_ strapless; they couldn't just let it hang there.

"I can safely say that you win the list of Chat's weirdest dates," he said as he looked in her full length mirror, his clawed hands on his waist.

Marinette glanced up at his face, pausing as she pinned the hem around his knees (on the model it would be somewhere on her thigh). "Are there many dates on that list?" she asked, cocking her head.

"Mmmm, every akuma attack ever?" he replied.

"Those were dates? Who would have been your date in this scenario?" Marinette asked, returning to the hem so he couldn't see the irritation on her forehead.

"Flirting with Ladybug always felt like a date for me. Sometimes we'd sit on top of the Eiffel Tower and watch the city. That was probably a date," he said shrugging.

"Hold still," Marinette said, reaching up and touching his arm.

"Sorry," Chat said. He shrugged.

Marinette slapped his arm this time.

"Sorry! Sorry."

Marinette shifted around the hem, kneeling directly behind him. She hid behind his legs when she asked, "Why would you even consider those dates? Ladybug probably didn't." She couldn't stop thinking about his casual attitude.

"Yeah, I know she didn't. Ladybug has always kept me at arm's length. It didn't stop the way I felt. I don't flirt with just anybody." Chat's voice was sad.

Marinette peered from behind his legs, checking his face in the mirror. His cat ears had drooped slightly. He kept his hands at his side, but his fingers twisted together, releasing some of his tension.

"You flirt with me," Marinette said quietly. She suddenly missed his smile, and her chest tightened when he caught her gaze and allowed a small smile to soften his face. His tail wrapped around her shoulder, tickling her chin.

"Like I said," he replied. "Not just anybody." He looked away first, putting a hand to his mouth. It almost looked like his cheeks had turned pink beneath the mask. "Hey are you done yet?"

Marinette placed the final pin. Then, she stood, draping an arm on Chat's shoulder. "What do you think?" she asked.

Chat clasped his hands in front of him, batting his eyelashes. "I'm the belle of the ball!" he said, popping one foot in the air for added effect.

Marinette laughed outright. "You're the best sport," she said, pushing away from him so she could circle the dress.

"I really am, aren't I?" he said, his voice fond as he admired himself in the mirror. "It's good to know that I'm a hottie no matter what I'm wearing."

Marinette scoffed, but then regretted it the second his eyes turned on her in the mirror.

"What, you don't think so? You are the one who wanted me in the dress so bad. What do you think for real?"

He posed. Chat Noir with his black leather catsuit beneath it all and the white, lacy straps against his shoulders, and the blush pink dress with vertical gold stripes in the bodice, and the short skirt fluttering at his knees, and his steel toed cat boots. Chat Noir wearing her sweetheart dress, wearing her bra, wearing his suit.

Marinette wanted to laugh again.

"I think it might win," she finally said.

"That's definitely not what I asked," he said, his sly grin returning.

That look belonged in Wonderland.

"You asked what I thought, and I said what I thought," Marinette said, shrugging. She turned to put her pin cushion away, but Chat caught her wrist, pulling her back.

Marinette's heart stuttered at the contact. He rarely touched her unless he was saving her from akuma or carrying her across town.

"Let me stipulate then," he said, catching hold of her other wrist so she had to face him and look him in the eye. "Do you think I'm pretty?"

He batted his eyes again, but the look went deeper than a funny moment. Was he really smouldering at her? Her stomach jolted with the answer. Yes, he was.

"Very," she whispered before she could hold it back. But her eyes weren't on the dress. They touched his smirking, pale, perfect lips; caressed his afternoon sunshine hair that fell across his forehead and brushed his neck; kissed the rounded tip of his freckled nose.

"My turn," he said, releasing one wrist so he could touch her jaw and trace it to her chin. "But you have to say yes, like I said 'Yes to the Dress'."

"You did that on purpose," she accused. Suddenly her mouth wasn't dry at all. She gulped, butterflies in her stomach spinning in response.

"Of course. Will you let me kiss you?" he asked. His thumb stayed on her chin, stroking it carefully.

Marinette closed her eyes, because looking at him suddenly felt so big. She tried to think. Beyond her heart that filled every piece of her. Back to Ladybug who stood there lost at this new portrait of Chat. In her brain, there had to be something that stopped her. Something that made her brave enough to say no. She was a superhero afterall.

But closing her eyes only made her feel his hands. Feel his thumb as he paused, fitting it perfectly just beneath her bottom lip. Feel his breath against her mouth, warm and close-a kiss away.

She gulped.

Ladybug wasn't here. It was just Marinette and Chat. Her kind, egomaniacal, caring, irritating, considerate, inappropriate, adorable, punny, amazing Chat.

How had this happened?

It didn't matter.

Marinette nodded.

"You need to say it," he whispered. Was he shaking or was that her?

"Of course," she replied.

He dropped her wrist, sliding his hand along her waist so he could pull her close.

His lips touched hers. It was the sweetest kiss that held so much sin. She could feel it-that burning in his eyes contained behind the innocence. His lips were warm. And wet. They fit so perfectly against hers.

The butterflies swarmed in her stomach, but she still breathed deeply, like he was her air. She ran her hand along his shoulder, intent on cupping his neck and pulling him closer.

Instead, she found a white, lacy bra strap.

Marinette pulled back, her eyes opening to meet Chat's.

 _Why did he have to be so attractive?_ she thought. Her spine tingled when he slipped his hand beneath her shirt just to press against her back.

She pulled at the bra strap. Then she looked in the mirror. "This is absolutely ridiculous," she said.

Chat followed her gaze. The cheshire cat grin returned. He touched his forehead to hers before pulling back completely. "It's the animal magnetism," he said, flexing his arms in the mirror and wiggling his eyebrows.

"Only you could have so much ego while wearing a pink, sweetheart dress," Marinette said, laughing as his tail shot up, pushing the skirt up to his waist. How immodest.

"Isn't it a part of my charm, really?" he asked, trying to push the dress down despite his tail's obstinence.

A beep caught their attention, and they both looked down to Chat's ring. Time to go.

With a heavy sigh, Marinette helped Chat out of the dress, and then her bra. He flexed once he was free, arching his back like a lazy cat.

Marinette retrieved a sack of bread and cheese she'd left waiting on her desk, blushing when she turned to meet Chat's eye.

"Thank you," she said, at a loss for any other words.

Chat placed a careful hand against her cheek. "Thank you, my perfect princess," he said. He winked when she shook her head. Then took the sack and left, clambering out the skylight and into the night.

 **A/N** : So... I'm Marichat trash... if you couldn't tell. And this one-shot could have been a lot sinnier. Funny how things take a turn for the fluffy. This was too much fun to write, though. I've always had this headcanon that involved Chat helping Marinette out by modeling the outfits she's working on. Only half of them involve him wearing dresses. (It's just so durn cute when the boy is willing to do anything for his love.)


End file.
